I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
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