i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
