Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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