I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Randomize
