All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
dude. I can hear the air.
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