we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
