the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
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He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
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you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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