he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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