i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
