he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Randomize
