Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
