my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
