So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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