you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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