How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Randomize
