Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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