YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
