nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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