I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Randomize
