dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
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