we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
