none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
