Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
When did we convert life to cartoon?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
