god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
