you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
