What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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