We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
