im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
