Sry I called you an 8
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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