I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
