Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
