He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
