you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
