i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
he just fucked me for my cheese..
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