Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
