So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
