I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
