Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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