hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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