its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
