You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
