I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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