come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
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being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
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I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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