sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
