i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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