Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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