is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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