I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
