He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
