I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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