Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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