She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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