When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
