Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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