i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
