can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
