he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize