we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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