Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
