ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
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