also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
