once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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