She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
