Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
