her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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