3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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