but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
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I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
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