Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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