you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
