last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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