i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Jerry, you need to find god
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
